The Boy With Many Names
by Sexy-Foxface
Summary: I hear them everywhere I go; they follow me and watch my every movement. They are unknown to the world, but to Zane Swansea of District 4 the voices that lurk in the darkest depths of his mind are very real. They are what created him; they are what will break him. How is one to survive when their own mind rages a war upon itself? In these Games nobody can truly be crowned a Victor.
1. Alone

It's beautiful the sunrise. The way the colors paint across the sky creating indescribable colors. The sky in the opposite direction still dark, but in the east, a mixture of yellow and orange on the horizon beneath a dark neon blue ocean of night.

I sit alone on a secluded beach staring off into the horizon through my ice blue eyes. My sister Isadora always told me that my eyes matched my personality cold, icy, distant. I never argued with her about that. They say the eyes are the window to the soul. I say they are the window to the real insanity within.

In District 4 I am well known. I have many names; monster, murderer, brute the list goes on. Everyone knows my story but nobody really understands. I trace my fingers along the scar on my face that runs from my eyebrow and runs horizontally to midway down my cheek as I recall the memories that gave birth to my titles. But it doesn't matter all that will be left behind me. Today I am volunteering for the 72nd annual Hunger Games.

Once the sun stretches high into the sky do I finally get up from the sandy beach. I brush myself off and head back towards my small cottage that I share with my sister. I push open the door and nearly smack Isadora with it.

"Zane Swansea there you are. I was just about to go out looking for you," She smiles sweetly at me.

Isadora is nineteen and is no longer at risk at being reaped. She has devoted her life to taking care of me ever since I was thirteen and the incident as she calls it happened. But now I'm seventeen and she still worries about me. It gets annoying but I give her good reasons to worry. I periodically have episodes of either violence, or I withdraw from the world and become a shell of a person. It frightens her when this happens, but I can't control it.

"I was just at the beach," I say flatly.

"Yeah that's what I figured, but you need to hurry up and go get ready we have to leave for the reaping soon," She instructs me.

I nod and head upstairs shower and get changed into a pair of jeans and a dark blue shirt. I look in the mirror that stands in the corner of my room and fix my hair. I am quite attractive, but nobody bothers to come near me and personally I'm quite okay with that. I scan my room and look at the walls. Over the years as part of my therapy I have taken up writing poetry. The walls of my room are plastered in different sheets each with a different poem written on them. I walk up to one of the walls and place my hand on a poem I put up yesterday I read it over:

_The sound of silence grows; Every minute feels like a hour, Every hour feels like a day, As I sit in the cold light of morning;_

_Little by little, strangers became friends, friends became lovers, and suddenly, lovers became strangers;_

_I am lying here, lying next to where you left me in pieces, can't move, can't scream, with only silence for company;_

_The tick-tock of the clock and, the beat of my heart grows louder and louder, shrouded by a mystery, I feel so alone;_

_As the melody of love fades into the distance, the screams of silence is all that remains, lost in the shadows of life, I am here, Alone._

"Zane hurry up its time to go!" I hear Isadora yell from the bottom of the stairs.

I look over my room one last time. It won't be long till I'm back. I head downstairs and we walk towards the town square.

"Are you nervous?" Isadora asks me.

I shrug, "Why would I be?"

"I don't know I mean just usually reapings are stressful and you don't need the extra stress," She rambles a bit about my mental state and I mostly block out what she's saying.

"Yeah well I'm fine so will you stop worrying your driving me mad," I scowl slightly and that shuts her up.

We reach the town square and I head over to the seventeen year old section without a word. Everyone stares at me as I approach but this has become normal for me. Kids get out of my way and stand a good distance away from me. Some may be driven mad by the solitude, but since I was mad to begin with I embrace it.

I watch as Amber Teal our Districts escort takes the stage. "Well hello Distinct 4 it's a pleasure to see all your lovely faces again," She beams at the crowd. I zone out for a few moments and let my eyes take in everything and anything. My eyes are my curse I never miss a thing they take in every little detail of the world. I see both the beauty and the cruelty and it never phases me at how much the cruelty in Panem squashes the beauty.

The sounds of cheers snap me back to reality and I watch as the female tribute is selected. "The female tribute for District 4 is Scarlett Lancaster," Amber announces.

A girl my age with long light brown hair takes the stage and I can tell it is taking all her will power not to cry. She may be pretty, but I can tell she's weak.

"Any volunteers?" Amber asks the crowd, but no one steps up to take her place. "Okay moving on to the boy tribute."

Amber reaches for the slip of paper containing the name of the tribute, but before she can I yell above the crowd in a loud yet calm voice, "I volunteer!"

Everyone turns to look at me with a look of relief on their face. I'm sure they are thinking thank God that crazy boy is finally going to get what he rightfully deserves. I avoid everyone's gaze and take the stage and peer out over the crowd. "What is your name?" Amber asks me.

"Zane Swansea," I answer her.

"Well it was very brave of you to volunteer," She beams at me. "Let's hear a round of applause for the tributes of District 4 for the 72nd annual Hunger Games Scarlett Lancaster and Zane Swansea!" Amber says in an excited voice. The crowd roars and cheers and I turn to face Scarlett and shake her hand and she gives me a slight smile. "Allies?" She asks.

I shake my head, "I doubt it I don't need the rest of you slowing me down," I smirk and all she does is glare at me. We are then led to the Justice building for our goodbyes, but I already know besides Isadora nobody will be coming to say goodbye to me.

**Hey guys so thanks for reading please review and let me know what you think so far! :)**


	2. Stay In Control

I walk with my head held high towards the Justice Building ready to get these goodbyes over with. I am led into a small room and take a seat on a couch and wait. Isadora is going to be in hysterics when she comes to say her goodbyes. I'm the reason why the rest of our family is dead and now here I am about to throw away my own life leaving her alone.

The door bursts open and a crying Isadora enters the room. "What the hell Zane! What were you thinking volunteering? Why wouldn't you tell me this is what you were planning to do instead of blindsiding me like that!" She screams at me while tears stream down her face.

I just look at her with empty eyes, "This is just something I have to do," I say in an emotionless voice.

"No its not! You think this is what mom and dad would want!" She continues to yell.

"They can't want anything since their dead remember," I answer her.

She looks at me with something that can only be classified as hate, "Yeah and whose fault is that! You're just being selfish. Throwing away your own life isn't going to bring them back!"

I stand up and glare at her," Isadora if you know what's best for you you will back off now and just leave," I say flatly.

"Fine," She looks at the ground and rubs the scar that runs the length of her collarbone. A constant reminder of what I am capable of becoming. She turns and leaves without another word. I sit back down on the couch and stare up at the ceiling counting the second that seem to drag on by. I could win these games. I have what it takes. I've been training my entire life and I've killed before. I'm a monster who lives without remorse. The real question is however would I really want to be crowned victor.

I hear the door open again and don't even bother looking up since I know it will only be a Peacekeeper coming to retrieve me. I stand up and walk towards the train station. I keep my head held high and grin. I look at a television screen where I am being shown and I'm pleased with what I see. My eyes look wild and the grin I wear almost looks bloodthirsty. Perfect might was well play up the image I am so well known for.

I watch as Scarlett arrives at the platform not even bothering to hide her tears. Weak and pathetic that's what she is. I need to start planning strategy. Maybe I could use her. If she's really as weak as she looks I'm sure she would want to ally with someone like me. A million ideas run through my head as I am led onto the train. I walk away from everyone else over to a window and watch as the train speeds away leaving the ocean behind us.

"I'm going to miss the ocean," I hear someone say quietly behind me. I turn around and see Scarlett standing there her face strained with tears. I shrug and turn my attention back towards the window.

She sighs, "You don't have to act like this, so distant. I know were both going to be thrown into the arena soon, but it would be nice to have a friend in those last few days," She says weakly.

I turn back to face her, "Don't think that I have no idea what angle your playing at. The sweet weak little girl who only wants to be friends, but who will turn around and stab me in the back without hesitation and leave me to die, am I right?"

She shakes her head, "No that's not it Zane. I always heard stories about you and I always wondered if maybe you were just misunderstood and alone and I thought I may at least make an effort to reach out before we die, but I can see that you would rather I just turn around and leave you alone with your thoughts." All I do is nod and she finally gives up and walks away to talk to our mentor.

After a few more moments of gazing out the window taking in the details of the landscape that seems to rapidly change every time I blink my eyes someone interrupts my thoughts. "Zane Swansea the monster of District 4 how interesting this shall turn out to be," I

turn around slightly and see our mentor Brynn Cohen. He won back when he was only thirteen. Nobody expected him to be much but once he got his hands on a cross bow no other tribute stood a chance. I look at him, but say nothing.

"We need to discuss strategy if you wouldn't mind and come take a seat for a few moments," He says as he gestures towards a dining table over flowing with food. I stay in silence and walk over and take a seat across from Brynn and wait for him to start talking. "I feel like we could really get you plenty of sponsors if we play up this whole insane angle," He starts to go on, but I cut him off.

"It is not an angle. What I am is not a choice," I say.

"Yeah okay sure it's not, but that's beside the point. The capitol people would love to see someone like you turn out to be ruthless and,"

Again I cut him off. "Someone like me?" I growl and stand up. "I'm glad that you see all of this as nothing, but a joke! I don't want to talk strategy I'm going to win this on my own if I have to!" I yell and turn and storm down out of the compartment.

I walk almost blindly repeating to myself over and over, "Calm down. Just calm down. Stay in control." I slump down against a wall and rest my head in my hands. "Calm down, calm down." I mutter over and over.

Soon enough this will all be over. Soon enough I no longer will have to worry about losing control.


	3. Voices

I remain seated on the floor my eyes transfixed on a spot on the wall in front of me. The voices keep muttering in my head.

_You're a monster Zane_ they tell me.

_You deserve to die like an animal sent to slaughter_ they repeat.

You don't _deserve to be understood or loved_ they whisper.

_They're going to have you all dressed up like some kind of show dog where all of Panem can see the insanity that resides in one young male. You'll kill again we know it. You'll torture innocent children why because you can't control it, because even your own mind is betraying you._

A horrendous cackle tears through my head and I scream in fury and punch a hole in the wall in front of me. I sit back holding my hand and repeat to myself, "Stay in control, you can fight it, you don't have to be this way."

My eyes close and I start to drift. The depths of my mind are terrifying the fires that burn, the screams that echo through my skull. I feel numb everything empty I then feel something on my shoulder and my eyes snap open and I see Scarlett kneeling down beside me with something in her eyes I have never seen before concern. "Zane are you alright?" She stammers slightly.

I nod softly and look into her eyes beautiful crystal clear blue with golden flecks that resemble the color of the sunrise reflected off the ocean. She blushes slightly under my gaze and turns her head away slightly and looks at the wall. "Why did you punch the wall?" She asks me.

"I got mad," I tell her. She takes my hand lightly in hers and observes it. "It's not broken just a little bruised," She looks at me then quickly drops my hand realizing I probably don't want to be touched.

"Are we almost to the capitol?" I ask breaking the silence.

She nods, "Yes I was told to come and find you we will be arriving shortly." With that she stands up and walks towards the main compartment. I watch as she walks away. She is the first person not to filch away from my gaze, the first person to not be afraid to touch me, the first person to try and understand.

I slowly stand up and make my way towards the main compartment where I see our escort looking like she is about to have a mental break down. "Where the hell did that boy go we have a schedule to keep!" She rambles on and I roll my eyes.

"We are going to be sent to our deaths and here you are worry about keeping a schedule. How disgusting," I spit out my last words.

Amber turns around and glares at me, "I would watch that tongue of yours boy I can help make sure your time in the arena is very unpleasant."

"Throw whatever challenges in my direction I'm sure I've faced worse," I say in an emotionless voice.

She turns away from me muttering under her breath, "Why did I have to end up with an insane tribute this year?" I ignore her comment and let all the noise fade into the background. I don't even realize I have zoned out until I feel someone tug lightly on my hand.

"Zane? It's time to go," I hear Scarlett tell me in that sweet voice of hers. She may be weak, but I feel drawn to her and I can't risk feeling this way. I open my eyes and walk towards the exit of the train without another word.

The brilliance of the towering capitol would phase most people and leave them impressed, but not me. They use this so called beauty to mask what they really are. A mask that's all it is. I am ushered into a room full of all sorts of tools I have never seen before.

These next three hours are going to be pure hell I know it. Three brightly coloured grotesque people greet me when I enter the room, my prep team. They all look alien to me their dyed skin, unnaturally coloured hair, and tattooed bodies. I remain completely silent while they work on me. I ignore anything they have to say while they pluck the hairs from my body, scrub down my skin, and study me like some piece of meat.

After I am finally ready my stylist bursts into the room with a huge smile plastered to her fake face. I can already tell I am not going to like her. She ushers the rest of my prep team from the room and looks me up and down. "Not bad not bad, nice build, handsome," She says as she circles me. "The names Crystal Murrow and I'll be your stylist for your time here." I nod, but don't say anything. She continues to study me then frowns," That scar is going to have to go," She reaches her hand towards my face and I take a step back from her.

"No leave my scar alone!" I growl at her.

Her eyes go wide, "Well someone is a little touchy I see. It's just a scar no need to get so defensive."

"Just a scar? I don't have to explain anything to you, but the scar stays it's a part of who I am," I glare at her.

"Okay okay just calm down I'll leave it. Let's just finish getting you ready," She says as she unzips a garment bag.

After another painful hour I am finally ready to be presented. I tug at my costume that fits much too tightly. I have been dressed in a tight grey suit that resembles a shark. It's uncomfortable and I already can't wait to take this thing off. I am led down to a main hall and am told to wait. I take in my surroundings and watch as Scarlett is brought into the room. She looks beautiful. She is dressed in an intricate dress that resembles the ocean. A thought passes through my head and I think maybe for once it would be okay to try and open up to someone.

The voices in my head hiss at this idea no _you don't deserve anyone including her._

I shake my head as a way to silence them. "That was the worst three hours of my life," Scarlett says as she walks over to me.

"I agree. This thing is uncomfortable as soon as the ceremony is over I'm ripping it off," I'm amazed at how easy it is to talk to her.

She smiles at my response, "Well I don't blame you I mean that thing is awful tight." I nod and Amber walks in before I can respond.

"Well don't you two look lovely, but come on off to the carriages." She takes us down to where the carriages await and this is where I take in our competition for the first time.


	4. The Girl With The Emerald Eyes

I take in all my surroundings every single one. I can see the boy from District 6 seems to have a nervous twitch whenever someone makes eye contact with him.

I can see how the girl from District 2 obnoxiously twirls her hair.

I can see how the boy from District 1 keeps unclenching and clenching his fists as if it's taking all his strength not to kill someone right on the spot.

And that's when I see it. The small girl from District 10 looking back at me with so much intensity it's almost unsettling, but I don't let it show.

I look right back at her our eyes locked and something passes between us. Fear? Understanding?

I can't quite figure out what it is but I know that girl with the emerald eyes is only going to be trouble for me.

I then feel someone lightly tug on my hand, "Zane come on we should go talk with the other careers," Scarlett's sweet voice snaps me back to reality.

I tear my eyes away from the green eyed girl who continues to bare her eyes into me as if she's trying to see past my surface.

I nod and walk with her our hands still intertwined in one another to where the other careers stand.

"Well you must be the pair from District 4." The girl from 2 says as she glances down at our intertwined hands. I instantly pull my hand away. I can't show attachment to anyone not even Scarlett.

"Yes that would be us. I'm Scarlett and this is my District partner Zane." She smiles an attempt to be friendly with people we will have to kill in a few days time.

All I do is nod politely to the rest of the group.

"You don't talk much do?" The girl from 1 asks me and all I do is shrug.

"Well my names Alec and this obnoxious bundle of pep is Ophelia," The boy from 2 introduces himself and his partner.

"And I'm Harper," The girl from 1 announces and that's when the large boy from 1 steps forward.

"And I'm Hunter now if all these cheery introductions are over," I can't help but pick up on the sarcasm that laces his voice, "I'm going to be the leader of the career pact this year." He obnoxiously puffs out his chest daring anyone to test him. And this is when I grow sick and tired of these people.

Do they really think they would even stand a chance? They don't not with me going into the arena alongside them. I've killed before I live without remorse for my actions even if I am constantly being tormented for what I've done by the voices that lurk in the depths if my mind.

"I want nothing to do with this alliance," I state and all the others stare at me.

"Zane what are you talking about?" Scarlett leans over and whispers in my ear and I relish in the closeness of our bodies if only for a brief moment.

"Oh do you not like the fact that you don't get to be the leader?" Hunter sneers at me.

"No, I just have no interest in being with an oaf who obviously won't be a wise choice as a leader and who will just run this alliance into the ground."

"Well looks like District 4 does have a backbone," Harper says with a smirk on her face.

"What the hell did you just say to me?" Hunter says his voice rising. How easy it is to make him angry.

"You heard exactly what I said. I can see by the way you keep clenching your fists that one wrong move and you will snap someone's neck. I can also see by the way the corner of your mouth keeps forming into what is that a sneer that you hate to be challenged like what is happening right now. Lastly I can tell by the way your eyes keep moving around that your trying to keep tabs on everyone and that proves you're not trustworthy in the least bit," I say all of this calmly not raising my voice once. I can tell by the looks on the faces of the others my little speech has proven effective. They all appear to be slightly freaked out by how well I can read a person.

They have all the rights to be worried.

_Of course they do. There is a reason you have been labelled insane._ The voices in my head whisper.

Before anyone can respond I turn on my heels and walk towards my carriage. I can hear the voices of the others behind me discussing what just took place. "There's something about that kid that freaks me out," I hear Ophelia say. "I am going to be the one to kill that idiot nobody talks to me that way," Hunter growls.

At this I tune them all out and stand at my carriage ready to get this all over with. I turn to see Scarlett still standing there with the other careers. My blood boils slightly at this site I thought maybe she would come after me. How could I have been so foolish to even think that? She is one of them. She is the enemy.

_There you go Zane you have it all figured out now. You never deserved the chance to be close with her anyways. _The voices in my head cackle and I have to rub my temples as a way to keep myself from screaming.

"Zane is everything alright?" Scarlett says as she approaches me. I turn away from her focusing on nothing but silencing the voices.

_It's no use Zane. We are superior in this mind game you can't possibly win._

I cover my ears with my hands and yell out, "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

Scarlett takes a step back and glares at me figuring that I'm speaking to her, "What the hell Zane? Are you seriously going to act like an immature child because I'm siding with the careers?"

_See even she is against you. Did you really think she would leave the others who are strong and determined for you who is weak and unstable?_

I sink down to my knees my hands still coving my ears. "Get out of my head! You're wrong! I'm not weak!" I continue to yell at the top of my lungs the eyes of every other tribute are on me as I have one of my episodes.

"Zane please calm down and just talk to me," Scarlett places her hand on my shoulder realizing something is wrong.

_She's lying to you right now. She doesn't care she doesn't want to help you. She is enjoying watching you suffer._

I dig my nails into the side of my head trying to use pain as a way to escape. I can hear Scarlett's voice but she seems so far away. I try to reach out to her but the voices hold me back convincing me she is not really there. And then I feel something I haven't in years, the human contact of someone wrapping their arms around me.

"Zane please come back to me. I can't lose you already." My eyes flutter open and all I manage is a quiet whimper.

Scarlett tightens her hold on me and the voices fade into the background as I start to come back to my senses. "Scarlett?" I say sounding slightly confused.

She doesn't release her hold on me as she speaks, "Zane what just happened? You really frightened me for a moment." All I do is shake my head as I stand up and realize that everyone is still staring at me. I glare at everyone and they slowly avert their eyes from my meltdown.

I walk into the carriage without another word. Shortly after Scarlett follows me and stands beside me remaining quiet as the carriage begins to move. It's finally our turn to be presented and Scarlett grips onto my hand. "Please don't let me go," She whispers. "I won't I promise," I say as I hold her hand happy for the contact.

The doors of our carriage open and we are bombarded by bright lights and the drone of music. I take a step forward with Scarlett at my side. The Capitol cheers at the sight of us and I keep my eyes forward not paying any attention to the people calling out my name wanting my attention.

Scarlett on the other hand is relishing in this moment. She waves to the crowd and even blows a few kisses. I give her hand a squeeze as we reach the end of the aisle and enter the training building.

Our hands are still intertwined as our mentor comes striding over to us. "Swansea we need to have a chat about your little episode that you apparently had."

All I do is shrug, "What is there to talk about. Nothing that's what," I let go of Scarlett's hand and head towards the elevator ignoring my mentor calling after me.

I step into the elevator and right before the doors can close Scarlett slides in next to me. I remain quiet letting her to be the one to speak first, but to my surprise she says nothing as the elevator opens to our District floor.

As soon as I step out of the elevator I rip off the top half of my costume and immediately regret it when I hear Scarlett gasp behind me.

Almost every inch of my body that can be hidden is covered in scars. Some of the scars that cover the length of my body make out words such as insanity or monster.

"What are those?" She begins to question, but I walk away to my room slamming the door behind me. I flop down on my bed and scream into my pillow.

After a few moments my door opens and Scarlett walks in sitting on the edge of my bed. She doesn't say anything, but she traces one of the scars on my back I shiver slightly at her touch.

"You don't have to say anything, but I'm not leaving you alone right now." She runs her hand through my hair and my eyes start to close.

"I don't understand you," I say to her. "You don't have to," She whispers as she lies down next to me.

The voices hiss through my mind but I shut them off focusing on the girl laying next to me. Her scent is intoxicating and her skin is soft against mine.

I fall asleep with her in my arms and for the first time nightmares don't plague my dreams.


	5. Only an Alliance?

My dreams are bleak and full of nothingness. A dark void is all that greets me. It's different from my normal nightmares where blood runs cold through deep valleys and screams echo off canyon walls.

But this dream is unsettling at best. In the dark quiet of night where the darkness presses down on me and blankets my mind that is where the true horrors come from. The depths of my mind are a place I wouldn't even wish upon my worst enemy.

Even after all these years I'm still amazed I'm still breathing clinging onto what shred of humanity I have left.

My mind starts to become active again and I groggily begin to wake up. Before I even open my eyes I know something is off. I'm not alone right now. I can hear the soft even sound of someone breathing. I open my eyes slowly and see Scarlett curled up in a ball next to me still asleep. I thought that was just a figment of my imagination another mind trick but her laying next to me is my reality. I'm not sure what to make of this physical contact. With her head resting on my chest rising and falling with each breath I take. Her soft light brown hair is sprawled across my chest falling gracefully over her shoulder. She is perfection at best.

The question that dances across my mind frequently is why does she care? Why reach out to one as hopeless as myself before we are thrown into the arena?

_Isn't it obvious Zane? She is only using you. She is going to use you to her advantage to get herself further into the Games. She is a temptress toying with your emotions; trying to make you feel again. She wants you to be willing to die for her. To give her that assurance that you will make sure she claims the crown._

No, their wrong; they have to be.

_Think about it Zane since when have we ever been wrong? We were right when we had you take your father's life. We were right when we had you carve those words into your arm. What do they say again? Oh right how could we forget monster. How we love that word. It really describes what you are. A beast some type of savage incapable of emotion. Now don't go and try convincing yourself that the words we speak are false. You cannot feel anything towards this girl. You shall forever feel numb._

Pain suddenly sears across my mind as I fight to stay focused. I count the tiles covering the ceiling trying to find any way to remain in control.

_Why do you fight so hard Zane? It would be, so much easier for you if you just let us take over. We could help you win you know. We won't hesitate to kill. As you already know spilling blood is something we fanaticize about. Just to watch that scarlet liquid flow steadily from one's neck; we crave to be the one to rip the flesh from one's bones. We know you would relish in that moment as well. You hate feeling, so weak and helpless. You crave power. Let us help you achieve that. We will help you rise as all those around you crumble at your feet. Just accept our offer._

"No!" I scream out as I sit up swiftly.

Scarlett moves away from me startled by my outburst and looks over at me with wide eyes, "Zane, what's wrong?"

I lay back down on the bed my breathing rapid. I close my eyes and take a shaky breath trying to calm myself down. The voices have fallen silent, but for how long will they remain that way? There is no way of telling when they will slither their way back into my mind; coiling around my thoughts obscuring my way of thinking.

"Nothing is wrong; I'm fine," I mumble keeping my eyes closed. How easily this lie rolls off my tongue. How many times have I said those five seemingly simple words? Hundreds of times those words have spilled from my mouth, but were always a lie. How much easier it is to keep what is truly wrong locked away caged within. It is much easier than attempting to explain what is wrong. In reality I wouldn't even know where to begin. How could I explain to her about the whispers flowing through my mind? I don't want her to label me as insane.

"Is there a reason you're lying to me? Most people don't wake up screaming like that."

"I said I was fine!" I unintentionally snap at her and quickly get out of bed. I don't even look at her as I walk over to the bathroom slamming the door behind me. I lean on the sink for support and stare at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes are icy and distant as they have always been. How many horrors have these eyes witnessed? How many screams have my ears heard? How many times has my nose been exposed to the scent of blood? I hold my hands up to my face studying the fine lines that run across them. How many times have my hands been stained in that deep crimson substance? In the other room I can hear Scarlett getting off the bed and softly closing the door behind her as she leaves. Of course she would leave; they always do. Nobody is permanent in my life. I always push them away first.

I trace my fingertips along my scar that runs across my face and anger slowly begins to broil in my veins. Why must I always push people away? I always used the excuse it's just easier that way, but when was life ever meant to be easy?

_You always push people away because it's what we want. To make you feel isolated and unwanted._

With these words hanging in my mind fury takes a hold of me as I smash my fist into the mirror shattering my reflection. I watch as the crimson stained shard drop into the sink skittering across its surface. How I wish I could do the same to my mind; silencing the voices forever.

I quickly change into my training outfit and my eyes are transfixed on the four written clearly on my back that is reflected in the mirror against my dresser. This four shows I am a career. However I am the outcast. Going into the arena alone is the wiser option in my case.

_An alliance would be better for you Zane. With an alliance the opportunity to slaughter them all in their sleep will be presented to you. They can help bring you to the top then you can paint the arena crimson in their blood._

I ignore the sick images that rage inside my mind as best as I can as I walk out into the hall. I step into the elevator as I trace the new thin cuts that cover my hand. I don't even realize I am not alone at first. I feel a pair of eyes on me and I glace to my left. In the corner of my eyes I can see a pair of emerald eyes trained on me. The small girl from District 10 just stares at me as if she's trying to figure me out.

"You're hurt," She states as she glances at my hand.

I cross my arms as a way to hide my hand from her eyes and say nothing to her. The elevator is filled with an eerie silence as the doors open.

She starts to walk out, but stops and turns around to face me," I know you for what you are." Without giving me the chance to respond she turns on her heels and walks towards the training center. I keep hearing those words ringing in my ears as I enter the training hall. I can't even begin to comprehend what she meant by them. She can't know what I am; can she?

I notice Scarlett standing with the other careers and our eyes lock, but we both quickly look away from each other. She is one of them; a part of the group who I already know wants me dead.

_Maybe, she will aid them in taking your life? Perhaps she will help draw every possible desperate scream from your lungs._

I try to focus on anything that will silence them. I find myself thinking about how natural it felt to have Scarlett sleeping by my side. With that memory lingering in my thoughts I am able to remain in control for the time being. I listen to the drone of the instructor as he tells us what to do. We have two weeks to train before we are all thrown into the arena. Once he finishes speaking I make my way over to the plants station as it is empty. Being a career I do have skills that I will keep disclosed until my private session.

"Learning plants are we? Kind of pathetic for a career don't you think?" I look up to see Hunter sneering at me.

"Well I wouldn't want to be foolish like some and eat a Nightlock berry now would I? I say back to him keeping my voice calm.

"You better watch your back Swansea; comments like that will get you slain sooner in the arena," Hunter says this as he narrows his eyes at me.

Scarlett walks over and places a dainty hand on Hunter's shoulder. I can't help but feel jealously swarm me as she touches him, "Hunter, calm down and go play with the spears."

"Fine but, don't think this is over Swansea," He glares at me one last time before walking away.

"I don't need you standing up for me," I say not looking at Scarlett.

She sits down next to me and takes my hand with the thin cuts, "Did you do these to yourself?"

I pull my hand away from her reluctantly and still refuse to look at her, "No, I didn't cut myself."

"But you still hurt yourself," She states simply.

"So what if I did?"

She gently places her hand under my chin and lifts up my head, so I have to look at her, "Zane why can't you just talk to me?"

"Because your one of them," I say as I glance towards the group of other careers.

"I never agreed to be in alliance with them. I would much rather be with someone else," She looks at me with hopeful eyes.

"You want to alliance with me?"

Scarlett nods softly as she looks into my eyes, "Yes, I do."

And with that our alliance is formed.

_We hope you realize just how dangerous of a game you are playing Zane. She will tear you down we can see it in her eyes. She won't stop to push you down when you are venerable. She won't be afraid to soak her hands in your blood when the right time presents itself. What have we told you about the feeling of attachment? Nothing is permanent including her._

I look into her crystal blue eyes and I don't see a trace of anything that could pose a threat to me. For the first time I know the voices are lying.


	6. It Was Only A Dream

I am back in the institute I spend many years of my life, but I know this is impossible. I left that place behind me; they shouldn't be able to cause me anymore harm yet this all still feels real.

They knew I'm still unstable that is clearly written in the reflection of my eyes. I sit here in the corner of my room with my knees pulled up to my chest. The white walls surrounding me seem to be getting smaller and smaller crushing down on me. I take in several deep breathes as if I'm afraid I'll run out of oxygen then I suddenly cut off my breathing. I hope I do run out of oxygen.

The world begins to bend in odd ways as swirls of black wisp across my vision. My head begins to feel lighter as I slump back against the wall. My lungs feel as if they are going to burst as my body betrays me giving in as I begin gasping for air. My entire body aches as shocks of pain spread through my entire being.

_Zane stop trying to inflict pain upon yourself that is our job._

Suddenly pain vibrates through my skull and I can't stop the scream of anguish that escapes my lips.

"Please stop!" I yell out but this simple action only intensifies the pain to the point I can no longer see. Without my eyes I am nothing. Nothing but a pathetic boy who is losing in the battle against himself.

_You can't win against us Zane; do you see where you are now? The same place we made them send you eight years ago. Do you remember your first kill because we sure do. The way your father's blood shimmered in the paling light was mesmerizing, so very captivating. The way his desperate attempts to breath echoed off the walls was sweet music to our ears. That beautiful wound seared deep into his chest was a piece of art done by your hands._

I look down at my trembling hands; why bring me back to this place of hell? Perhaps I thought these walls could take me away from my reality, but that was only another lie embedded into the depths of my mind. My breath becomes short and choppy as I curl into a ball on the floor shaking. I have once again fallen over that edge. Into the dark abyss that eats away at my insides like a wolf who hasn't tasted the sensation of blood dance across its tongue in days.

I am at my breaking point and maybe here closed in by these walls will be where I finally meet my end. Still blinded I reach up and place my hand along the cool wall. I dig my nails into the plaster and the stinging sensation spreads through my fingertips; I just need to write. I claw away at the plaster knowing that the wall will be smeared in my scarlet blood.

My blindness continues to swarm me and all I can hear is the pounding on my heart against my chest and the sound of my ragged breathe. My nails continue to scratch away at the surface of the walls and soon small lines of the room spring into my vision.

I blink a few more times and they finally release their hold allowing me to see once more. Once my eyes become focused they widen in horror at the words written along the wall in my blood.

"Forever more will the screams of the young man Zane be trapped along these halls.

Forever more will his blood be spilt by the hands of another.

Forever more will he be left hidden keep in the clutches of the shadows.

His flesh will be torn away from his body and as new flesh heals devouring the old scarred skin new scars will be pressed into his body.

His desperate cries will be brought on until he cries crimson.

His cheeks will be stained in his own blood while every piece of him is torn down.

Torn down until there is nothing left but an empty shell of a boy who used to be.

You thought these walls would help you escape from your reality.

In reality they will welcome you into your nightmares."

How could I have written these words? I look down at my blood stained hands as the voices in my head laugh in chorus causing me to cover my ears with my hands.

"I need to see the ocean!" I scream out; how could I have chosen to return to this place? How could I have forgotten the tricks one's mind plays on you while locked like a savage animal.

I hear the door to my cell open, but I don't look up. Instead I keep my eyes transfixed on the scarlet words inscribed into the wall in front of me. I feel a hand roughly grab me by the back of the neck, but I do nothing to fight back. I'll take whatever punishment I am to receive for acting out; I would deserve it.

Maybe I deserve everything that has happened to me over the short period of time that is my life. Maybe I deserved to be used by Scarlet in these games we all pretend to care, but we never truly do.

_She never cared about you Zane; who could? You're useless and pathetic; just look at you being dragged away without even putting up a fight. You disgust us boy. Worthless is everything that you are and all that you will ever be._

"She will be here to see you soon," A harsh voice rings through my ears as I am thrown into a dark room. The coldness of the room creeps around me constricting my airways like a serpent. My eyes take in my surroundings and they are familiar to me. The various tools used for torture surround me and I have memories of each of them. This is how they believe they cure those of us who are "sick" in their eyes.

"Well Zane isn't this a pleasant surprise," The sound of her voice creates the illusion of the Grim Reaper raking his dead icy hands down my spine. I refuse to look at her as the clicks of her heels against the stone floor grow closer to me. I feel her intertwine her hands into my hair and she yanks my head up so I am forced to look at her.

She looks the same as she always has with her long blonde hair falling over her shoulders with that hungry animal like look gleaming in her pale grey eyes.

"Arianna," I hiss through my teeth.

"I really missed playing with you Zane; you always were my favorite play toy," She giggles as she kneels down so she is at level with me. She traces her fingertips along the curve of my lips and I flinch away from her touch. A frown plays across her features as she stands back up and drags me towards a large bin set up in the center of the room.

"You wanted to see the ocean and I will give you exactly that," She roughly grabs me shoving my head into the large bin submerging me into icy cold water. My body thrashes around desperately, but I am weak and cannot fight against her.

She brings my head back up and I gasp for air as a few words roll off my tongue, "Worthless is everything that I am and all I will ever be."

The moment she is about to submerge my head back into the icy waters my eyes snap open and I sit up desperately gasping for air.

"It was just a dream," I mumble over and over to myself trying to convince myself that these words are true. Every moment of that dream felt real. I pull my knees up to my chest as my body trembles. I try to stand, but my body betrays me and I remain in place as if frozen in time.

My eyes start to fall shut once more, but I quickly snap them open afraid of what I may see. I never want to lay my eyes upon those four white walls again. Those walls that hold nothing but insanity.

"Just a dream," I say one last time as my words hang in the air around me.


	7. Madness On The Surface

_Pathetic._

Another swift movement and my axe connects with the flesh of a dummy with enough force to knock it clean off its post.

_Worthless._

A puddle of fake crimson blood has begun to pool around my feet as bodies of dummies lay discarded on their sides after being brutally torn apart.

_Worth less than the dirt beneath your boots._

I can feel several pairs of eyes trained on me as a low inhuman growl escapes my lips. Something dangerous flickers across the surface of my eyes giving those closest me a glimpse of what lurks beneath my surface. I raise my axe once more and it gleams menacingly in the light, but before I can strike once more I feel a dainty hand on my shoulder and immediately my body tenses up.

I have barely slept in the last few days and the voices just continue to grow in intensity. It is getting more difficult for me to silence them as they enjoy the games we are playing. These games of a never ending war that will only end once I take my final breath.

I whip around my axe still held tightly in my hand to the point my knuckles have begun to turn a ghostly white when my eyes fall upon Scarlet who stands her ground even if she knows she should back down for her own safety. Our eyes remain locked for a moment and I slowly lower my axe coming out of my animal like trance.

She reaches up and lightly runs her fingertips along the dark circles that have formed beneath my eyes. "When is the last time you have slept Zane?" She asks me softly.

All I do is shrug as I turn my back to her once more. My mentor has been observing us and he warned me that the closer we continue to grow the harder it will be on us once we are thrown into the arena. If only he knew I never had the intentions to win; what would I have to go back home to? Nothing, but the voices that will dance in rejoice after having the opportunity to rip the flesh off my helpless victims; to get the chance to taste their blood dance across my tongue. I unintentionally lick my lips at this thought as a shudder runs throughout my entire body. I don't want to become more savage then man, but I fear I already may be.

"Zane answer my question," Scarlet says as she turns me back around to face her. I hate the concern that I see in her eyes; I don't understand why she wasting her precious time and energy fretting about a lost cause.

"I slept for two hours last night," I tell her as I flip my axe casually in my hand feeling the urge to sink it back into the skull of a dummy.

_No, what you really want to do is sink it into the skull of a breathing human. You want to hear their screams as they struggle for their breath. You want to watch the blood circle around their convulsing body as you stand in triumph above their cold dead body._

"You need to sleep; the Games are only a few days away," She tells me as she reaches for my axe trying to snatch it from my clutches.

I take a step back from her and another wave of danger ripples across the surface of my eyes as something takes over. Everything seems to slow down almost coming to a stop as I take one step forward raising my axe. I can see the fear in Scarlet's eyes as she thinks I am about to strike her. Out of the corner of my eyes I can see a trainer making his way towards me the shouts that spill out of his mouth lost to me.

_That's it Zane hurt the one person who has ever made an attempt to understand you._

She raises her hands to shield her face as the axe leaves my hands sailing right over her head. I can hear the startled gasp that leaves her lips and watch fascinated by the clean path my axe makes as it slices its way through the air. It embeds itself into a dummy that the other careers were standing around just grazing Hunter's shoulder. The anger I see in his eyes as he turns to me is something the voices feed off of.

"That's it Swansea I'm not waiting for the Games!" He grabs his spear as he begins walking towards me. Several trainers are already in motion trying to prevent the bloodshed that we want to happen. I push past Scarlet as I grab another axe intent on meeting him half way. The bloodlust that courses through my veins threatens to send me into a crimson stained state of venerability; a state where I have no control.

"You think I'm afraid of you?" I hiss through my teeth as a trainer grabs me around the shoulders trying to stop me from taking another step forward. I watch as two trainers grab Hunter and he struggles against their hold. The lust to spill blood is also reflected in his eyes and I begin to wonder if we are really that different from each other. I elbow the trainer that tries to hold me back with enough force to send him to the ground and continue my path forward with the eyes of every tribute watching this scene unfold before them.

"You should be by the time I'm done with you there will be nothing left!" Hunter screams out at me.

Crimson starts to work its way into my vision revealing what I really am; nothing but a monster. I don't even see the small girl walk forward until I feel her hands pressed firmly on my chest forcing me to stop. I look down at her with eyes that look slightly mad, but she looks back up at me with the same madness reflected in her eyes. I can hear Hunter being dragged from the room his threats still hanging in the air, but I remain transfixed on the small girl of District 10 standing before me her hands still placed on my chest.

"Don't move," She snaps to someone from behind me who I can only guess is Scarlet.

_Don't let her see who you really are Zane. We can see she is capable of playing games just as dangerous as our own._

My heart hammers against my chest and I know she can feel it through her palms that are still pressed firmly against my skin.

"Don't listen to whatever they are saying," She whispers quietly for only me to hear.

My eyes grow wide at these words; how is that she seems to know about the voices that rage on in my head? Before I can even react she takes my hand and leads me out of the training hall leaving a path of confusion in our wake. Her hand feels ice cold against the flesh of my own hand as she drags me towards the elevator and for some unknown reason I allow her to do so. I don't fight against her, but just silently follow.

This girl intrigues me as she seems to have the ability that I posses to see past ones surface. A terrify quality it can be to hold forcing you to see what you don't want to witness. To see the desire, greed, lust that lurks beneath the surface of so many can be unsettling at times, but there is also the passion that casts a faint light overshadowing the dark needs. A passion people like Scarlet seem to posses. I glance behind me wanting to return to her; wanting to tell her I would never hurt her, but before I can turn on my heels the elevator doors close around us.

"You can return to her after I make sure you have calmed down," The girl with no name says her voice filling the small space around us.

I breathe in sharply as this space reminds me of the four white walls that used to hold me in as their prisoner for many years. A small feeling of panic washes over me as I fear I am returning to that place of hell. I back up against the wall my entire being shaking violently.

"Zane?" I recoil at the sound of my name as I sink down to the floor pulling my knees up to my chest. The room flashes the walls turning white inscribed with blood red words. The words seem to melt along the wall leaving stains of crimson in their path. The room flashes again and I find myself back in the elevator looking straight into the eyes of the girl from District 10.

The scene before me continues to flash back and forth between my own personal slice of hell and my reality. My breathing picks up as I press my fingertips into my palms with enough force to break the skin. Pain is my final salvation.

"Whatever it is you are seeing is not your reality," The girl says filling the daunting silence.

Her form quickly warps into something that is born from the depths of a nightmare. Her eyes fall out leaving nothing but dark empty sockets as her hair turns to ash matching her pale ghostly features. A wicked smile spreads along the curve of her lips revealing razor like teeth stained in crimson. A horrified scream escapes my lips as I fight to sort out what is real and what is nothing but a fathom of my imagination. But the creature that looms in front of me appears very real as I slam my head back against the wall in a final attempt to break free from its grasps. Pain rivets through my skull sending darkness crashing down upon me.

Darkness swirls around me as a cool sensation works its way down my spine causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. Numbness tinges my body as I slowly reopen my eyes; how long was I out for?

"You weren't out for that long," I take in the form of the small girl sitting cross legged in front of me. I sit up slightly and rub the back of my head where a small bump has already formed.

"You'll feel better once we get outside," She helps me to my feet as I remain quiet. The moment the elevator doors open revealing the roof a feeling of relief washes over me. I walk outside the wind snaking its way through my hair forcing a small smile to play across my lips. I feel less trapped within the confinements of my own mind with each step I take venturing farther out onto the roof. The sun hangs low in the sky as nightfall approaches us. I sit on the edge of the roof letting my eyes travel over the towering city of the Capitol.

The girl from 10 sits next to me and I still am not fond of the fact that she seems to be able to see past my surface. I watch her closely as her gaze remains on the sky.

"Lilith," She says her name simply allowing her words to be picked up along the wind.

"How is it that you can see me so clearly?" I say as a slight frown tugs at my lips.

"The look in your eyes when you seem to struggle to stay in control is one I am familiar with," She tells me.

"I don't like it."

"I stopped you from killing that boy from District 1 today and once you spilt his blood there would be no telling when you would stop. In a way I saved your life," She glances over at me as if expecting me to thank her.

"I don't need saving," Is all I say to her.

"In a place like this we all need saving. Life is precious Zane don't throw it away because of what they say," She locks eyes with me for a moment before she stands up and leaves without another word.

I pull my knees up to my chest as I close my eyes allowing the wind whistling through the buildings to act as a lullaby to me.

_I have done it again._

_I have been here many times before._

_Hurt myself again today._

_And the worst part is there is no else to blame._

_I am small and needy._

_I have lost myself again._

_Lost myself again and now I feel unsafe. _

The wind sends chills down my spine as I stand up and make my way towards the elevator. The moment the door opens I stop in my tracks as I see someone else is already there. My eyes fall upon the female tribute of District 1 Harper and she has an air of business surrounding her. I step into the elevator as she eyes me cautiously.

"I have something to discuss with you," She says to me as the elevator doors close trapping me within the confidents of these four simple walls.


	8. Backstabbing Is Not a New Art

"I have something to discuss with you," Harper watches me carefully through chocolate brown eyes; eyeing my every move. I don't like the way she watches me, as if I am unpredictable. I breathe out slowly know that is exactly what I am. I cannot even formulate my next move half of the time.

"Then start talking," I say sharply as the elevator begins to move. I am curious to know what it is Hunter's District partner could want with me; the mentally unsound tribute of District 4.

_She sees the power you posses Zane. They all saw what you are capable of back in the training hall. They all saw that glimmer of madness gleaming in the reflection of your eyes. They want to use that to their advantage; they want power on their side._

Power what a peculiar thing it really is once you let your mind wrap around the idea of it. It is something we all crave even if we deny it. I crave power, but for a different reason. I crave the power to silence the voices that continuously whisper through the depths of my mind. I wonder if that amount of power is even out there and if it is how can I get it into my clutches.

"After the little scene downstairs the rest of the careers and I excluding Hunter started talking," She presses her lips together into a thin line as if she is trying to choose her next words carefully. "I personally have been strung up on the first words you ever spoke to us about how Hunter as our leader would only drive us into the ground and in reality you proved that today. He is too rash with his decisions and would most likely get us all killed by the end of the first day," She glances over at me trying to see if I understand what she is getting at.

"And what does this have to do with me?" I ask her not sure if I want to hear the answer or not.

"We saw the raw power you seem to posses and we want you to be the leader of the career pact," She says simply as the elevator comes to a halt. I remain silent as I allow her words to sink in. They don't make much sense to me; how could they want me as the leader? They have seen my metal breakdowns; they have seen how little control I have yet they want me as they leader. I shake my head lightly as the elevator doors open.

The pair from District 12 stands there frozen to the ground as they realize who is behind the elevator doors. The boy tries to appear brave as he takes a step forward.

"What do you think you're doing?" Harper snaps at him.

"I'm getting into the elevator what does it look like I'm doing?" He stands tall with his District partner at his side. It is tributes like this who will be the first to go; the ones who cross the careers even if it is only a simple confrontation such as this never last very long.

I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the wall as I gaze at the District 12 pair danger clearly playing across my features. "Do you really think that is the wisest move you should be making?" I say to the boy coolly.

I observe as he bites his lip softly and before he can respond the girl takes a hold of his arm pulling him back a step. "Maybe we should just take the next elevator," She whispers softly to him.

"You should listen to your girlfriend there District 12 as she seems to be the smart one out of the pair of you," Harper comments a small smirk tugging at her lips.

"Although neither of you seem to posses much intelligence as you are both still standing here," I say and at these words a small laugh escapes Harper's mouth. The District 12 tributes just stare at us loathing reflected in their eyes as the elevator doors shut once more casting us back into silence.

"Pathetic are those lot; they really believe they stand a chance against those of us who are trained," Harper says as she rolls her eyes.

"They will get what's coming to them once we are thrown into the arena," I glance upwards at the ceiling already craving to see the sky once again. I long to be casted beneath the crystal blue canvas with seemingly no end.

"And this would be why we want you as the leader. I realize there is something a little off about you, but I can tell you have the capacity to destroy lives."

"I'm already in an alliance," I state; I refuse to leave Scarlet behind.

"You mean your District partner? We figured you two would come as a package deal, but I promise you if she slows us down even the slightest bit," Harper allows the threat to hang in the air around us as the elevator climbs down to the District 1 floor.

"If any of you are to even lay a finger on her I will end you in the most horrific way imaginable," I say casually as if I was talking about the weather instead of uttering threats.

"Like I said as long as she doesn't slow us down we won't have that problem."

"And what about Hunter?" I ask her.

"I'll tell him he's out of the alliance as I highly doubt he will want to be allies with you and then we kill him during the bloodbath as he still is a threat to us." How easily the plans for the backstabbing of her District partner spill from her lips. How quickly the tables have turned for Hunter who once stood as the leader of the strongest alliance in these Games as now his allies plot against him using me to help plan his downfall.

"Besides Scarlett being a part of this alliance I have one other condition that has to be agreed upon if I am to join," I say to her as my own mind begins working out its own plans; its own plans to get myself and Scarlett to the top.

"And that would be?"

"I am the one who gets to end Hunter's life," I say firmly not giving her much say in the matter.

"You can have his life," The elevator opens and she steps out turning to face me one last time. "We are all meeting on the roof tomorrow morning to discuss our new strategy; you and Scarlett are both to be there," With that the elevator doors close leaving me alone. I press the button for the District 4 floor needing to speak with Scarlett.

_How interesting things seem to have become in these wicked games we play. More people on our side we have gained; more people who will be closer to us easier for us to strike down when they are unguarded. Plotting out those three others deaths who have welcomed you into their alliance against their better judgement will surely regret this seemingly wise decision. They know something is off about you, but if only they knew what was truly wrong._

"Stop saying us," I growl at myself under my breath.

_And why would we do that? Whether you like it or not Zane we are a part of you; we always have been and we always will be. Don't bother continuing to fantasize about the day that we vanish lost among the howls of the wind as a day like that will never be brought to light._

I curse quietly at myself as the elevator doors slide open revealing the elegant floor that homes the District 4 tributes. Although the Capitol would never admit it the floors meant for the careers are better furnished then those floors that belong to the lower Districts. They would never fathom the idea of making their favoritism for the career Districts so belatedly obvious.

I walk across the carpeted floor and stand just outside Scarlett's bedroom door. I raise my hand to knock against the dark wood of the door, but stop myself; I stand there as if frozen in time for the briefest of moments as a single thought ripples across my mind. What if she doesn't want to see me?

_Zane you need to go back to your old ways of not caring. Don't you remember how much simpler life was when you detached yourself from the world; drifting in and out of the day as if you were a lost soul._

As simple as it seemed I still felt nothing but numbness that went hand in hand with the loneliness that stretched its way through my entire being. Before they can stop me I knock lightly on Scarlett's door. I wait for what seems like hours, but in reality are only a few minutes. I am about to leave thinking she is not there when the door opens. There she stands the image of perfection in my eyes watching me with slightly fearful eyes.

"Scarlett, I never had intentions to hurt you," I can't stop the words before they are spilling from my lips.

"The look in your eyes," She trails off as she wraps her arms around herself.

Before I can think of the consequences I reach out gently placing my hand beneath her chin lifting up her head so she is looking into my eyes. "I would never hurt you," I say firmly wanting her to know that my words are true.

She watches me closely slightly confused by my actions as never before have I personally reached out to graze my fingertips against her flesh. Lost in the moment I am; her scent washing over me intoxicating my very being.

_You're starting to become weak once more Zane._

The voices continue to slither their way through my wind whispering harsh words, but they are silenced immediately the moment Scarlett's lips are on mine. I am caught off guard, but the very thought of pulling away doesn't even cross my mind. Our lips move in perfect unison as I brush my hands lightly down her sides leaving Goosebumps in their wake placing them on her waist. We walk backwards and I close the door behind us with my foot. With her arms loosely wrapped around my neck we fall backwards onto the bed my figure dwarfing her smaller form.

The taste of her lips against mine if something I have never experienced before; a sweet poison is what this is. She parts her lips slightly giving me access as I slide my tongue into her mouth intertwining our tongues in a French kiss. What brought us to this point? Perhaps it is our last final desperate attempt to feel human connection before we are lost to the world forever more. My heart hammers wildly against my chest as the beautiful girl beneath me moans softly into our kiss we seem to be afraid to break apart from. For the first time in my life the voices seem at a loss for words and have slithered away to the corner of my mind that they belong in.

I pull back slightly tugging lightly on her bottom lip as my hand slides up her shirt exploring the unknown. Never have I been this close to another person; never did the thought that I would be brought to this point ever cross my mind. I kiss lightly along her jaw line then down her neck; brushing my lips delicately along her satin smooth skin. She arches her back in response seeming lost in the sensation of pleasure.

"Zane," She moans my name quietly which sends a shiver down my spine. My breathing escalates as she places her hands on my stomach bringing them up sliding my shirt up in the process. Her hands roam my body exploring my flesh as I continue to move my lips along her collarbone with sweet delicate kisses. She rolls us over so she is position on top of me and at this movement a breathy moan escapes my lips. She sits up straight straddling me as she pulls off her shirt allowing me to gaze upon her body.

"Beautiful," I murmur quietly causing a blush to creep across her cheeks. She reaches down removing my shirt and kisses down my chest lightly causing me to arch my back towards her. She kisses her way back up to my lips brushing hers against mine with a dainty movement. She pulls back looking into my eyes; her blue orbs bearing into me seeing everything. She reaches up and traces her fingertips lightly across the scar that runs the length of my face. I recoil back at this sensation sending the seemingly perfect moment crashing down around us.

She pulls her hand back sharply as she looks down now refusing to meet my gaze, "You know I heard the stories about you, but I want to know what really happened."

I close my eyes reliving my life through the images that flicker across my closed eyelids. I reopen them looking up at her wanting to tell her my story that has gone by for many years untold.

**So in the next chapter I will finally be revealing what happened to Zane in his past as bits and pieces have been told, but now it is going to become clearly known ^^ I warn you now it's not exactly what you would call a happy child hood ;D**


	9. Starting At The Beginning

With Scarlett resting her head on my chest, her hair splayed out along my flesh in soft cascades my story that has gone by for many years untold begins to roll off my tongue. There is much of my past that is shrouded in the shadows; casted to the side to be unseen by prying eyes. There if much of my past that would be better off forgotten, but the voices have made it all impossible to forget. To place the blame of what I have done all on them is not what I have done; for they have brought some of my true desires to life. I close my eyes reliving everything, as I start from the beginning.

Through the images that flicker across my eyelids the world around me begins to melt away; giving birth to the images of my past. I look through my ice blue eyes with the perspective of a seven year old child. My skin remains flawless, as the harsh words have yet to be carved into my skin. The lush grass carpets the ground beneath my toes, as I stretch my fingertips towards the sky. I spread my fingers open allowing the delicate wind to play through them.

"I wonder why the sky is blue," I ask myself, innocence dripping in my tone. I nod softly listening to something only I can hear. I am still young, and at this point talking to myself wasn't looked at as abnormal; that however would soon change.

Gulls burst into song above me, as I make my way towards the beach; my final salvation. I take small steady steps, moving as quickly as my seven year old legs will allow me to. The sand is warm beneath my feet from the heat of the afternoon sun that hangs low in the sky. The wind ruffles my blonde hair causing it to stand up at odd angles, but all I care about is feeling the ocean splash against my skin; cool to the touch. The beach is nearly deserted which causes a small smile to tug at my lips. Solitude is something we crave; the feeling of not having eyes trained on me is something I relish in.

I stand at the ocean's edge allowing the salty water to lick at the surface beneath my feet. I blink a few times until the strangled cry of a gull snatches my attention. My eyes fall upon a gull not far from me entangled in a net. My gaze in entrapped on the small white figure that desperately struggles to set itself free.

_An easy target; helpless and vulnerable. _

I take several steps forward, the voices in my head pushing me forewords. They whisper what they want me to hear; their own sweet desires. Many times before have I woken up in the minute of the night fear gripping at my chest, as they forced me to pay witness to what they would call their own fantasises. My mother would always tell me they were nothing more than nightmares and that in reality they could never cause me harm. If only she knew just how wrong she was. If only she knew these constant nightmares tore down the walls of my mind, giving them access to each and every one of my thoughts; giving them the opportunity to warp and manipulate them as they pleased.

"I'm walking as fast as I can," I whisper, my words carried up along the breeze directed at seemingly no one. I kneel down next to the small bird that looks up at me, sensing the dangerous presence that lurks within me. It squirms desperate to get away from me. Through my childlike eyes I did not understand its desperation; I did not understand its fear. I am but a young boy, what is there to fear?

The voices lurking within my depths remain silent at this thought, as they know there is plenty to fear. They are the only ones who know how they worked their way into my very being. They are the only ones who know about the experiments carried out on me as an infant. To the world I was born this way, but they know better. They know about the injections that were forced into my bloodstream. They know about the poisons that gave birth to their very being. The objective of the experiment was to place the mindset of one that has passed on into a fresh body. A failed experiment I was seen as when I was given back to my parents shortly after I was born; what was done to me unknown to them. Why I was chosen is something even the voices can't decipher. But only they know that the experiment was a success to a degree, as the dark desires of a bloodthirsty general that belong to the Capitol forced their way into my mind becoming a part of me.

I reach my fingers out brushing them along the sleek feathers of the bird causing it to tremble violently. "Don't be afraid I'm not going to hurt you," I whisper as I trail my fingers towards its neck pulling the net away slightly in the process. My gaze remains steady on the pulse that seems to vibrate straight through its neck, as my fingers intertwine their way around its flesh; its neck appearing small and toy like in my grasp. My eyes scream innocence, as if I didn't know what it was I was doing. My grip slowly tightens around the bird's neck squeezing the air straight out of its lungs. The bird thrashes around, but I remain transfixed on its forms not allowing myself to blink once. How could hands so small inflict so much pain?

The bird's eyes bulge; its head threatening to pop off, but instead I begin to dig my fingernails into its flesh. The bird lets out a strangled cry, as blood and bits of feathers begin to work their way beneath my nails. The first look of power I ever possessed creeps its way onto my features and remains prominent. I begin to tear at its flesh even long after the bird draws its final breath. The sound of its last gasp was sweet music to our ears.

_The first blood to fall. _

I drop the bird's mangled body, staring down at my scarlet stained hands. Now my eyes are filled with nothing, but terror as I could not understand why I had done what I just did. I back away slowly from the body; my entire form trembling.

"Zane is that you?" The sound of my sister's voice causes me to turn around. She immediately picks up on the fact that something is wrong the moment her eyes fall onto me. Her eyes widen in terror as they brush across the bird and then the crimson coating my flesh.

"They made me do it!" I blurt out, wrapping my arms protectively around myself. This is the moment where talking to myself was ladled as abnormal. The moment people began to take notice that something was off about the boy with the ice blue eyes.

The images surrounding me melt away again; the image of what I was forced to call my home bursts into view. Everything is as I remember. The cracks in the floorboards running in criss-cross patterns are still there, as are the pencil marks along the doorframe of the kitchen door that shows mine and Isadora's change in height over the years.

"There is no they Zane; it's only you," The booming voice of my father washes over my nine year old body, as he tries once again to prove to me that the voices in my head are nothing, but a figment of my imagination.

"Dad, why can't you just believe me they-" He cuts me off by bringing his fist down connecting it to the soft skin of my cheek. The impact sends my body crashing to the ground in a broken heap. I can feel the warm sensation of blood working its way across my flesh, as I look up at my father with frightful eyes. I had grown used to his harsh words, but never before had he struck me; making me feel so weak and helpless.

_One day you will prove to him that you are so much more than a pathetic excuse of a boy._

"You will listen to me right now Zane; I am sick and tired of the whispers that are spread about you. Do you have any idea how they make me look? I will beat the normal into you if that is what it takes. If I catch you talking to yourself, or speaking about them I will not hesitate to strike you down once more. Do you understand?" He looks down at me, as if I am some sort of insect; something not of this world. A dull anger begins to work its way through my veins, but I do my best to keep this hidden from the surface.

"I understand," I mumble unwillingly.

_He is ashamed of who you are because in his eyes you are not normal. Who is he to define what normal is. If only he knew the grave mistakes he is making. If only he knew the great hate you will harbour for many years to come, until the day we finally silence him. How dare he think he can strike us down while we are still stuck in the puny body. Years we will have to wait until our own power surpasses his. One of these days the tables will turn. One day he will fall while we rise from the ashes._

My father grabs me roughly by the collar of my shirt forcing me back to my feet. "Now go to your room," He shoves me sideways having zero regard for if I am able to keep my balance or not. I stumble a few paces before I dash up stairs. My cheek still screams out in pain, as I sit on the floor in the middle of my room.

After a few moments of sitting in an eerie silence my bedroom door squeaks open making it impossible to sneak in and out of my room. I don't even look up as my mother kneels down in front of me and begins wiping the caked blood off my face with a damp cloth. I wince lightly at the feel of the cloth against my skin, but she only takes my hand trying to still me.

"Just stay out of his path and this won't happen again," She says quietly her voice filling the daunting silence. At the age of nine it didn't seem right that I was being told to avoid my father because he didn't like the fact that I was abnormal. It didn't seem right that he was willingly to take things to the extreme to force me into being like everyone else. If only he knew the reasons as to why I am this way; this bloodthirsty boy who has little control over his own actions.

With the blood cleaned from my face the boy I would grow up into being became visible. The lack of emotions and madness became clearly shown in the reflection of my eyes. This is when I began to realize I was nothing more than a vessel; a puppet to be used in their games. I would be forced to fulfill their bloodlust, while they tortured me to their content.

Everything fades once more as the stories of my past continue to spill from my lips. The room flickers giving birth to the image of the school I was forced to attend. Now twelve years old I distanced myself from everyone, spending all of my precious time either talking to myself or writing.

I wander the outskirts of the playground and in the eyes of the other students I appear to be having a conversation with myself, but if only they knew I wasn't alone.

"I have three new bruises because of him," I whisper to myself, as I kick up a few pebbles watching them skitter along the pavement.

_Just be patient one day he won't be able to cause us harm anymore._

"How much longer do I have to wait?"

_We are waiting for the right moment; the right moment to force him to take his last breath._

"His last breath," My voice trails off as I realize what the voices are suggesting.

_It is in your best interest Zane; you hold a power he could never dream of possessing. Why not use it upon those who try to strike you down; who try to tell you you're not normal. For all they know they are the abnormal ones._

"How do you know what is in my best interest?"

_We are a part of you don't let that slip your mind. We know everything; we see everything. We know what is best for us._

"I'm not supposed to say us anymore," The wind picks up sending a chill riveting down my spine at these words.

_If there is no us then explain to us what we are._

"My imagination," I begin before a sharp pain works its way through my temples.

_Don't you dare say we are nothing, but a fathom of your imagination. We are more than anything that a feeble child's mind could think of. We are real Zane and its time you learnt to accept that._

The pain vanishes just as quickly as it appeared. The moment I open my mouth to allow more words to spill from my lips, I am interrupted by the taunting calls of some other students.

"Having fun talking to no one there Zane," A boy from the grade above me calls out receiving a few snickers from the crowd that has formed behind him.

_Fight back with your words; show them we are not one to be messed with._

"It's better than talking to the likes of you," I say back calmly.

"So insane Zane does have a backbone," The boy takes a step towards me intent on trying to set me off; something I don't plan on doing, as I refuse to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me.

"It's not having a backbone as I am not really standing up for myself, as your words have no affect on me," I glance up at him my eyes appearing cold and dead. My gaze causes the boy to stop dead in his tracks; afraid to take a step forward.

"I highly doubt that, everyone at this school knows there is something wrong with you," A cruel sneer tugs at his lips, as several more students begin to gather wanting to watch this scene unfold with intent eyes.

I tilt my head to the side as I keep my gaze on him, "Ever consider the fact that you're the abnormal one?"

_Your words are beginning to have a toll on him, just witness the waver of emotions in his eyes. _

"I am perfectly normal," He snaps at me.

_Tell him everything that only we can see. Tell him all his flaws that your eyes can't miss._

"Normal is not someone who scrunches up their nose every few minutes showing that you are sensitive to smell. Not having control over your senses is weakness. Normal is not someone who has the tendency to go cross-eyed when you are trying to think of a clever comeback. That shows that you lack focus. Normal is not someone who wears their emotions, so clearly in the reflection of their eyes. That shows that you don't have the capacity to keep your emotions in check. This could be due to your lack of intelligence," Anger ripples across his features as he strides across the pavement at an alarming speed.

_This is what we were expecting; rash he is giving into the animal within. The savage that you also possess, but that we have control over._

I move with a swiftness unknown to me, as the older boy moves to smash his fist into my skull. Before he can even react I have his arm turned around at an unnatural angle pinned against his back. A yelp of pain escapes his lips as whispers ripple among the crowd that has gathered.

"You should be afraid of the abnormal," I whisper menacingly not releasing my hold, but tightening it slightly craving to hear him gasp out in pain.

"Let go of me you psychopath!" He screams out struggling against my hold. The only thing that stops me from snapping his arm like a twig is the swift movement of the teachers breaking up the fight.

_He won't ever dare bothering us again._

I open my eyes allowing them adjust to the moonlight that drifts through the window; casting twilight shadows across Scarlett and I. She remains quiet for a few brief moments knowing I still have more to tell. The next part of my life that needs to be told has been burned into my memory. That moment had defined me for forever more. That moment is what drove me to the brink of insanity with no chance of turning back.

**Alright, so that is just the beginning to the stories of Zane's past there is quite a bit more, but I didn't want the chapter to be freakishly long ;D There will be at least two more chapters revealing what he went through back in District 4. Now you know what to do review ^^**


	10. Watching From The Outside

I close my eyes allowing my breathing to slow down to a gentle rhythm. Scarlett takes my hand intertwining our fingers, allowing me the time I need before I continue spilling my history. Images roll in and out of my vision, giving way to new memories. I breathe out slowly as that night that changed the course of my life forever comes to view.

Rain falls heavily outside, as a storm rages war upon the heavens. Lightning rips from seams within the sky forking its way across the inky canvas. My thirteen year old form sinks back against the wall, as thunder booms overhead causing the entire house to tremble from its power.

"How many times must we go over this before I get it through that thick skull of yours; talking to yourself is not normal," My father hisses at me, as he takes another step forward. I glance behind him towards the door calculating how many steps I would have to take to escape his wrath.

_Running away only shows that you are weak Zane._

I open my mouth to respond to the voices, but the deep hatred reflected in my father's eyes stops me cold. I remain in an icy silence, as the words that spill from my father's lips that blend in a sickening melody with the voices that hiss through my mind threaten to push me to the brink of insanity. Sweet and horrific is what this is; like a mad man's lullaby. I close my eyes briefly, wishing I could disappear back into the wall behind me, but I know that is nothing but a false fantasy. This is my reality and there is no escaping from it.

"Oh, so now you have nothing to say?" My father says through his teeth, as he roughly grabs me by the collar of my shirt and shoves me up against the wall. My eyes snap open and the dark look that resides within my features is enough to send a rivet of fear coursing through my father's entire body. Never before had he paid witness to a look such as this gracing my features; never before had he actually believed he would ever have to fear me.

_Feed off his fear Zane; now is the time to silence him._

"Get off of me," I growl in a voice that is not my own. In this moment is where the voices that reside within me come out to play. They have grown tired of being pushed around and they believe it is time I put those who inflicted harm upon us in their place.

My father allows this look of fear to dissolve back into his features, as he tightens his grip on me. "Don't you dare try and tell me what to do," He snarls, but this only excites the voices. They have been waiting for this moment for years now and they will draw it out for as long as they possibly can. My hands begin to move without my consent, as I place them over my father's arms. I begin to dig my nails into his flesh, until crimson stained crescent shape prints are branded into his flesh. A small yelp of pain escapes his lips, as he throws me away from him. My body lands on the floor in a crumpled heap, but this is what the voices had been anticipating.

They know what it is they are doing, even if I don't. During this moment I feel as if I am watching through a third person's point of view. I am present in this moment, but I have no say in my actions. I could not stop what it is that is about to happen, even if I wanted to. I scramble across the floor, as if I am in frenzy towards the fireplace that resides on the other side of the room. My gaze falls upon the steel rod used for poking at the fires that rage within the stone heath and I know I need to get my hands on it if I want to end the reign that is my father.

"Where do you think you're going?" My father hollers, as he grabs a hold of my feet and drags me back across the floor. I claw desperately at the floor, causing my nails to dig into the fine wooded floors, leaving streaks of scarlet in my wake.

_Fight back Zane; this ends now!_

The sound of the voices vibrates through my entire mind at an ear splitting level. A scream of anguish leaves my lips at the same moment a clap of thunder booms overhead outside amongst the sky. I lash out with my foot, causing it to come into contact with my father's jaw. A roar laced with anger escapes his lips, as he drops my body to the floor. As he stumbles backwards several paces I use this to my advantage. Before he can even regain his balance I am on the other side of the room with the feel of the cold metal rod dancing across my flesh.

My entire form appears almost feral, as I have succumbed to what it is the voices beckon me to become. I want to stop this madness, but no matter how hard I fight I cannot break free of their icy hold. My eyes flash dangerously, but all my father does is laugh coldly. "What are you going to do Zane? Are you going to try and murder your own father?" His voice is laced with a dark amusement as he speaks.

_If only he knew that is exactly what we have intentions on doing._

The voices laugh darkly and this sound rings that insanity through my mind. How is that I have been driven to this point? How it that my mother just stands by and allows this to happen; even as my screams echo off the barren walls. She is just at fault for all of this just as my father is. She stood by and watched as her husband inflicted pain upon her only son.

_She never cared either Zane; no one ever truly cares. We are the only ones who will always be by your side. We will never turn our back to you; we are the only ones you will ever be able to depend on._

These words that they whispered to me had a great impression upon my still young mind. This is where I knew I was destined to walk this world alone; this is where I realized I could never rely on anyone, including myself.

I stood my ground even as my father began to stride towards me, with a cruel smile tugging at his lips. The look reflected in the surface of his eyes screamed at me to even try and inflict harm upon him. I could easily tell that he believed I wouldn't actually follow through with my words; if only he knew just how wrong he was. I closed my eyes tightly, as I lashed my arm out. I heard the sound of the metal point tearing its way through the soft flesh of my father's throat. I could hear the sound of him choking on his blood, but I didn't want to pay witness to it.

_Open your eyes and see what it is you have done._

They forced my eyes open and my gaze feel upon the crimson stained form of my father, who struggled to even stand. I backed up against the wall, as he crumpled to the floor. My heart hammered wildly against my chest, yet I felt no remorse for what it is I had done. In that moment where the first blood to fall by my hands fell; I felt nothing.

_This is what he deserved Zane; don't try to convince yourself otherwise. He did nothing, but hurt you. This is what will happen to anyone who tries to inflict pain upon us. We won't let anything such as this happen to you again._

I remained frozen, as my sister walked into the room after the abrupt silence that filled the entire house. Her screams echoed off the hallowed walls at the sight before her. I just looked at Isadora with wide lifeless eyes and this is when it was apparent just how far gone I really was. I was one that the Capitol would want locked away, as it was not safe to have one such as myself freely roaming the streets. I never wanted any of this, but I was never given the choice to decide. Choices are something that are made daily, but that is a luxury that I would never receive. My choices were always made for me by them, as they believed they knew what was best for me, but I know that was not always the case.

"Isadora they made me do it I swear!" I screamed at my sister, as I glanced down at my crimson stained hands. My father's blood was written across my flesh and the voices whispered to me that it would soon become a part of me.

I didn't try to stop her, as she fled from the house only to return with Peacekeepers moments later. They roughly took a hold of my form, as I was told where it was they were taking me. I struggled against their hold, but I knew it was all useless. They were going to lock me away; to be unseen by prying eyes. I would rot away in a cell, never to be seen again.

"They are going to help you Zane," Isadora tried to convince me, as I was dragged kicking and screaming from the hell that had been my home for so many years. People peered out of their windows into the damp streets to pay witness to the boy with the ice blue eyes finally being locked away. Nobody disagreed with what was going to happen to me, as in their eyes this is what I rightfully deserved. I however did not believe I deserved to take this punishment. My father went out of his way to cause me harm, yet he got away with it.

I looked at the faces that were pressed against the windows, as everyone wanted to get a look. They were all vultures in my eyes; feeding off of my anguish and my pain. I bowed my head and allowed the Peacekeepers to take me to that one place where they believed they could fix me; the mental institute. Everyone knew the rumours that swirled about that place and I knew I would not emerge in one piece, but then again I was never whole to begin with.

Scarlett's soft whimpers are the only thing that causes my memories to fall away from me. I open my eyes and this is when I realize I have been holding onto her hand in a bone crushing grasp. I quickly release her hand, as I stand up. "I'm sorry," I murmur, as I walk over towards the window. She watches me closely, as I press my forehead against the cool glass. All of that is only the beginning of the horrors that would soon follow. What I saw in that institute is something no one should ever have to be exposed to. I bite my lip softly almost not wanting to continue with my story.

I close my eyes, as I feel Scarlett walk up behind me and wrap her arms around my waist. "You don't have to tell me anything more," She whispers softly, as she rests her head against my shoulder. I want to tell her more, but I don't want to relive those moments.

_Even if you don't allow yourself to think about our time in that institute does not mean they didn't happen._

I was branded a monster for what it is I have done. Those words are carved into my skin because they forced me to. They didn't want me to forget what it is they have forced me into becoming. They are the real reason, as to why I volunteered in the first place. There is more to it than that, but no one would be able to understand. I volunteered by their choice, but I never held onto the intentions of winning. There in that arena is where the monster of District 4 will be laid to rest.

_Don't think silencing us will be that easy._


End file.
